You know what would be awesome? If I could get and keep a job writing for a well known and (arguably) well liked local paper by taking other people’s ideas and opinions, rewriting them slightly with repetitive and boring language, and foisting them upon the reading public. That would be fantastic, and I think I could totally do it. The only problem I’m having is that someone beat me to it, and that someone? Is Lindy West.
Take her “review” of the High School Musical films. No, take it, please. (Benny Hill jokes are always funny. Fuck you if you disagree.) http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=541753.
So, we start with the admission, apparently free of guilt, that the author of this review reads US Weekly. Now, I don’t want to be judgemental, and I don’t want to make broad sweeping statements, but anyone who reads US Weekly anytime other than when trapped in a waiting room or checkout line? Is a fucking moron and should never be listened to on any subject, ever.
We move on to find that this article is inspired by a party invitation the “author” received, for a viewing party dedicated to watching the High School Musical movies. Superb. So you admit that it wasn’t even your idea to write this incredibly bad, irrelevant review? I appreciate your honesty.
And what’s this, in the very next paragraph? Thinly veiled racism that, if someone called you out on, you’d insist was ironic? Classy, Lindy, classy. Yes, let’s, throughout the entire terrible review, refer to one character in the movie as “the black one” while naming everyone else specifically. Cool. That’s exactly right. I don’t think you could have done anything more flawlessly you than that. It’s good that you stay true to yourself, and to how relentlessly terrible you are.
The rest of the “review” is riddled with sentence fragments, vague references to the plot of the film, and a whole lot of quotes from the films, presumably used so that the “writer” wouldn’t actually have to write anything.
I do so love it when a “review” manages to contain racism, laziness, theft, and just plain shit-tastic writing.
Thank you ever so, Lindy West. No one is quite as uniquely godawful as you, and for that? We salute you.
– tired pseudonym indicating cowardice or a strong sense of self preservation.